I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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