Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize