my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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