I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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