Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
