You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
should my penis look like a turkey
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
