Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They have beer where we have blood.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize