the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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