I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
