my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
