and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't turn off my feet"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize