the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
