what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
