There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
