take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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