I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
