dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize