can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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