also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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