You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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