you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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