He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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