what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Randomize
