i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
