why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
