I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize