Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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