Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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