how can u be prego again
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
