found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
