So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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