then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize