i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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