my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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