fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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