the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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