Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
