Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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