So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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