they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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