come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
