I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
