Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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