I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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