Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
As shirtless as possible
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize