Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
