if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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