drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
