oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
