thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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