i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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