It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
