I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize