well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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