I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
