Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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