I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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