She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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