hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
