the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
