I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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