so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
