Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
