Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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