I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
