think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize