what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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