he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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