I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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