the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
