Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
