my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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