I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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