The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
