I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
