I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
