Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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