i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my being single is dangerous.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
