Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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