So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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