her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
