I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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