is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
