I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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