Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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