so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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