hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What a dumb baby whore.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
