I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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