Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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