you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
