Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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