why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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