Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
