She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
