apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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